please if you will feedback…am i an alien


i know i have a terminal illness which goes with out saying comes with some pain….but as far back as i can remember ive always felt off.
i remember being in junior high waking up feeling like i want to crawl out of my skin…my brain seems to malfunction…i dont seem to communicate properly …everything is either extremely intense or the blandest grey.
i cant remember being happy or even content for any period of time.
this is not to say that i havent been successful or experienced love.
because i have…you dont need to feel good physically to be alive.
ive taught up to 7 judo/jiu-jitsu/martial arts classes a day…i know my body can do incredible things.
more often than not ..in fact every day i wonder if everyone feels like their mind is trapped in a basically mass of decaying cells.i wonder these things because i believe if i could wake up feeling even generally good i could do so much more for myself and the world.
my believes in spirituality physics and alternate realities stem from this broken feeling…its the only hope i can find.
is this normal?

4 responses to “please if you will feedback…am i an alien

  1. So I am going to assume live was your trigger word. I apologize and I am sorry. I truly did not mean anything harmful…but I stand by what I said…
    I say this because I am not immune to this kind of pain…I have had to watch it more than once and have gone through it with others more than once. The questions, the anger, the heartache. I am sorry.
    I am going to tread lightly because this is all I know…but writing…is what saved me…writing with Sage….sounds like it helped you too. You know my email if you ever need a friend.

    • thanks .
      although I’m not watching.I’m looking in the mirror. I’m angry..and right now not much Is helping. ..I am relieved that I don’t have to worry about anyone watch me go through it…other than in words. that’s lingering affects left on others would be worse than anything I will go through

      • This isn’t the same but my friends, the one’s who did of cancer 6 of them only 2 quickly all felt they would rather go through it than anyone they loved. When I found out I had a brain tumor I was relieved it was me because I wouldn’t have been able to watch someone close to me hurt.
        My heart is with you honey.

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